Is It Inevitable?

Does becoming a mother guarantee that you become a worry wart? Growing up, I always thought my Mom worried needlessly about many things. About me being cold when I refused to take a jacket with me because I didn't have one that matched. About me driving late at night out it the boonies where we lived all by myself at the ripe old age of 16. About my choice to go to college so early, or me waiting in the car instead of going into the store with her, or any number of things I deemed completely unnecessary.

I find myself lying awake at night, staring up, as if I will somehow be able to see the answers in the patterns on my ceiling, my own version of reading tea leaves. I worry that my son has a mood disorder. I worry that I will not be able to equip him with the coping skills he will need to handle life. I worry that people will not be able to see his beautiful little heart like I do, that they will only see what a hand full he can be. I worry about my children growing up in a split family and hope that they never feel torn, just extra loved.

I debate with myself about the age old saying "worrying about it won't change a thing," and my personal belief that it is better to be prepared for the worst possible outcome and be relieved when it doesn't go that far, than to be caught unaware and blindsided by something that, had you been prepared, would have been a million times easier to handle. I have come to the conclusion that it is not healthy to obsess about things, and allow yourself to constantly run things through your head, playing through every scenario you can think of, working out every response to every situation you can fathom, trying to devise a plan for all possibilities. It is however, my belief, that a certain level of preparation is prudent and therefore allow myself to be aware of the problem, face it head on, and then try and let what will be, just be.