What a Week

This week has been long and crazy, and I am glad it is almost over!

Monday started out with a suicidal man ending up shot off an overpass by the freeway causing it to be completely shut down. A main freeway being closed in Monday morning rush hour traffic in Phoenix means complete and total gridlock. Nobody is going anywhere anytime soon. My poor baby was stuck for three and half hours in this mess.

Wednesday, my day off, started out at the DES office trying to get my kid's insurance straightened out. Royal.Pain.In.My.Ass. There was another persons entire file accidentally scanned into mine. I am talking birth certificates, attestation of citizenship, proof of residence- the whole nine yards. Makes me completely confident in our government by the way! Bye-bye three hours of my day. Grocery shopping equals Bye-Bye to another 2 hours, and before you know it, it's 7:00! Made dinner, cleaned up, collapsed on my bed waiting for the kid's movie to finish and to get them tucked into bed.

They came running into my room when it was over, jumped onto my bed and were playing until about 9:15. I went to get their pj's, and smelled a weird chemical smell as soon as I stepped into the hall. As soon as I said." What's that smell? It smells like something is burning." I heard Ernesto yell, "oh shit!" Let me just say- if you leave a pan on the stove boiling to sterilize some plastic sippy cup lids and forget about it? This will be a very long evening for you! Before we even made it down the hall, the fire alarms started blaring. I ran the kids outside while Ernesto got the flaming disaster put out, and opened the doors and started fans going to air out the house. Turns out, when plastic catches on fire it releases chemicals that are not good for you, and Poison Control advises you remain outside your residence for at least 2 hours. I ended up sending my kids home with my wonderful Mother, and then Ernesto and I went and saw Your Highness while we were waiting to be able to crawl into our bed!

Needless to say too many early mornings and late nights have made a very tired me. The kids are spending the night with their Yia-Yia, and I am so thankful I get to sleep in tomorrow! 

Make it a great Friday everyone!

xoxoxo

Work Woes

It is Thursday morning, I am two cups of coffee in and realizing it is nowhere near the level of a caffeine jolt I need today. I don't know if it is left-over edginess from my brief stint into being a non-smoker yesterday that left me with no doubt in my mind that I am just not ready for that journey or the general stress of our current office transition but I have suddenly found myself with a fuse that is far too short.

We have outgrown our current office and have had a new location in the works for months now, and the drop-dead date was May 1st. Unfortunately there are uncontrollable permit issues with the city, and that date has been pushed at least 6-8 weeks. In anticipation of this change we hired another person for the front office to be trained by the time we moved. In our already cramped quarters we added an additional body, and now for the foreseeable future I have become a man without a country! I have a make-shift workstation in the break room that has an extremely slow connection to our main server, and a phone that only works 50% of the time. Please join me in a moment of silence hoping that this move is over and done with sooner vs. later!

On the bright side, Katie has so generously delegated herself to the dungeon today so I have run of her desk. (I love you by the way!) We have a lunch meeting, which is always fun and my shoes are stunning if I do say so myself. Typically toasts are done with something a tad bit stronger than coffee, but for today it's what I've got. So CHEERS to a better day... now imagine me downing my third cup of coffee cuz that's just what I am doing! HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYONE!

Thoughts

Inspiration can blossom at any moment, often from the most seemingly insignificant sources. May I never overlook the ideas that are waiting with baited breath for me to bring to life.

Spontaneity seems to dwindle with age and responsibility. My awesome last minute date last night reminded me why you should never let that side of yourself die.

I love high heels. I love black high heels. So when I get a new pair and am ecstatic about it the answer to your questions are: No - you can never have too many black heels. Yes, I have 7 other pairs in my closet... and No, they are not the same.

A little nail polish and an oversize ring can make a girl feel like a million bucks.

Eggplant parmigiana sounds divine.

Is It Inevitable?

Does becoming a mother guarantee that you become a worry wart? Growing up, I always thought my Mom worried needlessly about many things. About me being cold when I refused to take a jacket with me because I didn't have one that matched. About me driving late at night out it the boonies where we lived all by myself at the ripe old age of 16. About my choice to go to college so early, or me waiting in the car instead of going into the store with her, or any number of things I deemed completely unnecessary.

I find myself lying awake at night, staring up, as if I will somehow be able to see the answers in the patterns on my ceiling, my own version of reading tea leaves. I worry that my son has a mood disorder. I worry that I will not be able to equip him with the coping skills he will need to handle life. I worry that people will not be able to see his beautiful little heart like I do, that they will only see what a hand full he can be. I worry about my children growing up in a split family and hope that they never feel torn, just extra loved.

I debate with myself about the age old saying "worrying about it won't change a thing," and my personal belief that it is better to be prepared for the worst possible outcome and be relieved when it doesn't go that far, than to be caught unaware and blindsided by something that, had you been prepared, would have been a million times easier to handle. I have come to the conclusion that it is not healthy to obsess about things, and allow yourself to constantly run things through your head, playing through every scenario you can think of, working out every response to every situation you can fathom, trying to devise a plan for all possibilities. It is however, my belief, that a certain level of preparation is prudent and therefore allow myself to be aware of the problem, face it head on, and then try and let what will be, just be.

Good Days

I was thinking today how it seems the smallest things make the difference between just another day and the really good ones. Yesterday, it was seeing my kids so excited for their first trip to the library. Lily made a beeline to the shelves, intent on finding a pink book about animals- which she managed to do in about 3.5 seconds! Zany Zoo, which in case anyone was wondering, is the oddest collection of poems I have ever read, including one about a lazy agouti. What in the world is that you ask? (I am assuming you would ask because I surly did!) Through the wonder of Google I discovered it is a Brazilian rodent. Anyways, the lazy agout wouldn't help her sister clean and ended up getting eaten by a tiger and her sister who had worked so hard was thrilled because she got to eat both of their servings of ice cream. Pretty safe to say we will NOT be checking out Zany Zoo again.
But I degress. Next stop was the park, where Aidan's eyes sparkled as he learned new tricks on the slanted parralel bars. A boy was playing that was a few years older than him and patiently taught him how to slide down with his legs hooked over and no hands holding on. I was so proud of him for being brave. Also- a moment to cherish in my memory box was Ernesto and Lily dancing outside the car as the radio played, faces glowing, smiles so big they practically split their faces.
Spending time with my family is such an amazing feeling, I cannot imagine life without them.
I love you all.

It's official...

... I had my first "I hate you, Mommy!" moment last night- And let me tell you, it was NOT pretty! As those words flew from the mouth of my very angry and very, very tired 3 year old son, my heart dropped through the bottom of my chest. In that instant all of the guilt about having to work such long hours, the fear that my children will resent me for having to be the disciplinary figure in their life, the feeling of crushing failure that everything I have changed in my life and the sacrifices I have made to ensure my children's well-being are unappreciated and the intense drive kicking in that I have to try harder to be everything for them. Then came the urge to call my Mom and apologize for anything I may have said growing up that may have made her feel the exact same way I was feeling now. Any ability to be reasonable about the incident had flown entirely out the proverbial window. There were no logical thoughts running through my brain about him being too young to really understand what he was saying, that he was just spitting out words he has been told are unkind and he shouldn't say to people. No glimmering idea that the significance I was placing on the incident was completely out of proportion. Just the overwhelming emotional impact to top off an already emotionally taxing day. I bawled my eyes out. I cried for my children- that they don't have me around nearly as much as they should. That they are growing up with their family split apart. That they are the ones who innocently suffer because of the actions of the adults in their life. I cried for myself- that the dream of having a happy, traditional family had been so heartlessly shattered. That my naive, idyllic view of how my life would play out had been cruelly ripped to shreds. That I cannot give to my children everything in life that I think they should have.

All of this came exploding out much like this posting. No finesse or grace, just raw tears, heartache and pain. It slowly subsided leaving a hollow, dull ache in my chest. I finally fell asleep, exhausted and drained. With the morning light and my daily wake up call from my beautiful baby boy climbing into bed and snuggling up on my pillow for a few precious minutes, came my return to rational thinking. I can't project my own feelings and fears on others, whether 'others' is my children or anyone else. It is perfectly normal for kids to lash out  as they are exploring their own emotions and feelings and it is my responsibility to help them learn appropriate ways to express how they feel to others.

 I left for work with a smile as my son came running after me as I headed out the door saying, "Wait Mommy! Don't leave yet. I need another hug and kiss before you go to work. I'm going to miss you today." Ahhh... all is right in my world again.

Days Off

My days off are times I cherish. Today is one of those days, and I am home alone with Aidan and Lily since Ernesto is working today. I woke up when Aidan climbed into my bed at 5:30, tucked his sleepy self into bed with me and fell soundly back to sleep. I also have a very foggy memory of Lily crawling up, but I have no idea what time she came in. We all woke up about 7:30 and had to run over to Walmart for some groceries. We came home, ate breakfast, and now they are watching Dino Dan. I have to clean up the kitchen, pack a picnic, and it's on to the park! Then this evening we are getting together with all the family and some close friends for my cousin Stephen's 17th birthday. (It makes me feel so old, I remember when he was born!) These are the days in life I treasure-the ones where I am surrounded by the ones I hold most dear.

My Neurotic Self

I have been told that denial is a state that we all chose to live in about certain aspects of our life. After pondering this statement, I have decided my state of denial is regarding my neurosis when it comes to cleaning. To me, my methods of organization make perfect sense. They do not seem strange, unusual, or in any way obsessive. Apparently, there are other people in this world that do not share my opinion on this subject.
A few days ago as I was putting away the neatly hung and folded laundry, the love of my life started laughing as he asked, "Are those organized by bar code as well?" I looked into the drawer where I had just put away his undershirts, according to color and sleeve length. Now, in my mind, this makes perfect sense. When you are getting dressed, there is no hunting through the drawer for the item that you need, you already know exactly where it is! I do the same when I hang my clothes in the closet. All facing the same direction, organized by color and sleeve length for the same reason- ease of assessing your wardrobe. How is that obsessive?!
There are many examples of this in my house. There is no typical "junk drawer" in my kitchen, the things under the kitchen and bathroom sinks are neatly set up to easily find what you need. The same with my linen closet, children's toys and most of the usual places that are often times a disaster zone. To my way of thinking, I would rather take a few extra minutes to set up a system where everything stays neat and orderly than to end up with a huge mess where I can never find anything and am constantly frustrated.
So my question is, am I unusual or just plain practical?!

What I have learned since my last post

 #1: I am horrible about keeping a current blog. I don't know how people manage to post everyday! (I feel almost like a catholic at the moment, "It has been a month since my last confession")

 #2: It is actually true that girls are easier to potty train than boys. I struggled with my son for 5 long months full of bribes and threats and much frustration for both of us. My daughter fully embraced the idea in 3 days.

#3: Finding an applicant that is appropriate for a job is an exercise equivalent to beating your head against the wall.

#4: The more stressed out I am, the more my obsessive nature is revealed. The organizational level of my linen closet and dresser drawers is slightly out of control right about now.

#5: I need a lot of sleep. If I do not get said item, I am extremely irritable, irrational and an all-around emotional basket case. To my family- thank you for your long-suffering regarding this matter. I will make a concerted effort to remedy this immediately.

TGIF

I love Friday's. I love them so much in fact, I have the word "Friday" tattooed on my wrist! Truthfully, that is not the original story behind that tattoo, but that will keep for another day. For now, that's my story- and I'm stickin' to it!

Reasons to Love Them:

-They are the busiest day out of the week in my office, therefore the day flies by.
-I get to have a lunch date with my love.
-I know I am about to have two days off from work.
-New movies come out.
-Most people are in better moods.

When it rains, It Pours!

Over the last few years I have tried to develop a system for buying groceries and household items to avoid having staples all run out at once. I have been generally fairly successful with this- until this week that is!

I am currently in the process of potty training my daughter, and have just recently done the same with my son. Tuesday morning, my lovely princess unrolled and subsequently shredded an entire roll of toilet paper while I was doing the breakfast dishes. Tuesday afternoon, my son decided it would be a fun idea to dunk an entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet. (He also decided it is not nearly as fun to remove said item!) Needless to say, with their recent obsession with all things bathroom-related, toilet paper was added to the list!

I have also learned that when my babies stay home with Nesto while mommy is at work, they eat A LOT of food! Wiped out all of the milk, juice, bread, apple butter, strawberry jam, and cereal.

Recent long hours at work have lead to lack of time to hit the grocery store, and therefore my list has grown to be an outrageously lengthy one. This is one girl that is NOT looking forward to the inevitable trip to the store tonight after work.

Say it with me-
Must.Go.To.The.Store.No.More.Procrastinating!

xoxo
Me

"Mama Said There'll Be Days Like This"

I should have known how this day would go from the moment it started. I woke up late, did a mad dash around the house and managed to get my coffee made and ingested enough to get my eyes to the partially open status. I threw on one of my favorite outfits- a very short charcoal grey dress, black tights and my amazingly hot black boots. I say amazingly hot because I routinely get stopped in public, (or yelled to from a car) by people telling me how bangin' they really are and to inquire as to where it was I purchased these lovely four inch-heeled, cuffed and buckled masterpieces! I also love this outfit because not only does it look fantastic, it is one of the most comfortable outfits I own, perfect for a Friday! I managed to throw on some make-up, pull my hair back and look reasonably pulled together considering the amount of time I actually had to get ready!

Much to my dismay, I had to wake up both of my babies who were sleeping like angels. I hate having to wake them up, and they hate even more that they were so rudely awakened by a blast of below-freezing air as we stepped out the door! I carried Aidan out first, who promptly started screaming that he wanted to go back inside the house and lay down in his bed. Then came princess, who kept rubbing her eyes, covering them with her hand, and then peeking out- as if somehow in the interim while her eyes were closed she would open them and magically be back in her cozy bed. After four or five attempts at this, she realized it was indeed reality and started to cry.

I managed to get the kids dropped off and made it to work only five minutes late. There have been nothing but disasters to field and more paperwork than I even know what to do with. I have now been here since 8:35 AM and have gotten up from my desk exactly once... and I still have 2 hours left. I am irritable, tired and hungry. Hmmm... speaking of hungry- I still have to figure out what we are having for dinner. And go to the store and get everything to make it. And then go pick up the kids. And then go home and make it. FML TGIF.

Resolution

New Year's Resolutions. Love 'em or hate 'em, you know the conversation is bound to come up this time of year. The inevitable discussion of what you want to change in your life during the following year. Be it bad habits to break, or good habits to gain I think everyone has personal goals whether you call them New Year's resolutions or not.

I don't have any elaborate resolutions this year. My main goal is to match my outward appearance to the woman I feel I have become inside. I have worked very hard to get my life in order and I want that reflected when people see me. I know this might sound vain or self-absorbed, but I feel it is very important. I want to look like the healthy, confident and put together woman I have found within myself.

The first step in this transformation was dying my hair. A new look for the new me. (I think it makes me look more mature and therefore I am taken more seriously!) I have also been taking steps to update my wardrobe to be young and hip, but more womanly and less teen-ish. I want to continue this trend until I am completely in love with every item in my closet and can feel confident walking out the door every single day.

The last thing I want to accomplish is to get to a weight where I am healthy and look amazing. I don't want to fad diet, but make permanent changes in my daily choices to be a healthier person, not just get skinny.

Whatever your endeavors for personal growth this coming year, I wish you all the best of luck!